Important New Chuck Norris News!

Well, as you all know, Chuck "Eyeballs of Strife" Norris has many amazing powers. Russ kindly made this animation to demonstrate a small part of Chuck's fearsome skills.


Behold! The Awesome Powers of Chuck Norris' Stare!

Thanks Russ. :)

An Ode To Chuck Norris

I know that with a bit of help from my loyal readers (all three of you) Ryaninja can become the Number One Chuck 'Freakin Sweet' Norris Resource!

Chuck Norris Facts:

Chuck Norris has delivered many a seminar on stress related problem solving. He once completely cleared Switzerland of all stress, using a single roundhouse kick related technique. This is why Switzerland is a neutral country, as their country’s completed absence of stress means that they don’t get annoyed anymore, not even with America.

The following fact came from The Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator:*

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever win every hand of poker he ever played. After winning 23 straight World Series of Poker main events, he shook the dealers hand, roundhoused kicked him in face and retired with over 35 million dollars.

Chuck Norris Choice Photos


This is what Chuck will do to you if you ever, ever disobey him. Do not go there.


I dread to think what would happen to you in a 'Private Lesson' with Chick Norris in a leotard. No doubt it would probably involve bruising and swelling, with possible ripping. I can't imagine it would be pleasant.


This is Chuck with former sensei, Master Rhsee. This was the last time this man was seen. It is repoted that they fell out minutes after this photo was taken, (something to do with the Master's Tie. You can see Chuck Pointing at it) and flew off across the rooftops to fight to the death. Obviously, Chuck came out victoriousm, and disposed of his Master's body in space. This is all hearsay of course, but trust me, if you know Chuck like I know Chuck, you'd believe every word.


Jesus/Klingon Chuck Norris, of course. On your knees, peasants. Or he'll hit you with one of those big axe things, like Wharf in startrek has. Except about one thousand times harder. Wharf would wet himself and cry like a bitchslapped unpaid Thai girl in the company of the might Chuck Norris. Imagine what would happen to Wharf if Chuck rolled up one of his giant hands into one of his famous omnipotent fists? Huh? Huh?


Genius. The hair and the snarl is enough to make even the most testorone charged silverback gorilla tremble.


Does Chuck fight the Bear? Is it the bear of Death? I hope so, I know Chuck likes a light workout before lunch.


As you may have noticed, this is not Chuck Norris. But wait! It is a photograph from Chuck's upcoming movie, Tiny Fists of Terrible Fury.

The Speil from imdb:

It is 2046. Chuck plays Jenny, a six-year old girl who has been empowered with all the skills of every ninja that ever lived. An Evil Pirate, called Pistachio is trying to overthrow the aging Monarchy with an incredible horse that can turn back time by a couple of seconds. There is nobody who can stop them except Jenny! But can he stop the bad guys before the pumpkin of rage falls into the wrong hands? The Evil Pirate and the Incredible horse's powers form a formidable opponent. Watch Chuck's most deadly fight has to anticipate and block moves, seconds before they happen, whilst simultaneously fight off the Evil Pirate and his incredible horse in the present!

This really isn't Chuck. I found it when looking for Chuck Norris pictures. So one of them could be Chuck, just in disguise. It could be either one. Watch your back.


To be perfectly honest, this scares me. They kinda look like a couple, and it clearly states that "they're ready for action!" Urrrgh. Still, good for the dog, Chuck Norris is a fine catch for any young bitch.


Chuck Norris' attempt at Hitchcock. It's not scary at all until he rips his shirt off and starts running towards you, swinging a grand piano in a menacing fashion.


Chuck Norris. Aha! Tricked! It's a Chuck Norris Celebrity lookalike! Everyone prepare your rocks. Blasphemer!!!! Stone him!



Chuck Norris Haikus (written by me)

Chuck Norris so hard
Flying roundhouse to your face
I so dig his style

You can evolve
Into superhuman man
It is Chuck Norris

Peanut on your head
Chuck can kick it off fast
Like Kicking Cheetah

Even God fears the
Mighty Chuck Norris' fists
Wise if you do too.

Big Fist Bigger Foot
Big hair bigger moustache
Chuck Norris Fuck Yeah

Chuck damaged my spleen
While I pulled at his big tash
I did it for kicks

(By Nate)
Axe Kick to the face
I really hate hospital
Don't stroke Chuck's nice hair

(by Nate)
Fists swift like lightning
The Tash is just so fright'ning
Please come round to tea

This is it for the Ode To Chuck for now. If there is anything that you would like added to this page, please let me know, and I will do it. Doit.

The Ancient Art Of Ninjing.

I feel that the time is right to bring Ninjing to the masses. The following was originally posted on my old website, http://www.ryan.dsl.pipex.com:

Ninjing is the ancient art of getting fuelled with beer, dressing up like a ninja and then partaking in all sorts of ninja activities. Ninjing is best undertaken at night and in a public park or walkthrough, although plenty of fun can be had with the peasants around town. A particular favourite is seeing how close to passers by you can get without being noticed, which when rather drunk can be challenging.

The photos from this particular episode were taken in Launceston, Cornwall (near England) way back in 2002. Possibly earlier. The 3 ninjas picked for this mission were me, Foss and Chris. Just to avoid confusion - the ninja with his rusty sherriff's badge winking is Chris.


This is me. Ready for ninjing.




The true ninja is not afraid of bonding with other ninjas. Only in teamwork can their true potential be achieved.




If you look carefully, you should just be able to see 2 ninjas. Masters of stealth and cunning, the ninja is most at home in the shadows. See the awesome power as the ninjas summon the moon to do their bidding, blinding all enemies with brilliant moonlight.




Again the ninjas hiding amoungst the shadows. So horrendously powerful are these ninjas that the ground here shakes, as the zombies cower and tremor in their graves.




Witness the boldness of these ninjas, for their skills are so great, that they even blend in amoungst the cold tough streets of Launceston. They go unchallenged, unseen and unheard. They are the shadow-walkers.




Again the ninjas summon the power of the moon. A different summoning this time, as the ninja utilises the power of stench.



And thus the end is here. The ninjas put away their masks and return to their normal identities, never revealing their awesome powers during their normal day to day lives.

Woooyaargh!