We Got The Cure For This Rap Disease

What up Homies!

I've just got back from a funkalicious day (or so) in London. You rememer my old flatmate Jimbo? Well, we went to London to see the Queen, and to check out the funky beats of Jurassic 5. They were supported by some random DJ that nobody knew the name to, but played a really good funk set for a couple of hours prior to J5 coming on. In fact, the funk was so good, I think Jimbo actually creamed himself, judging by the way he was dancing anyway.

We stayed in the Holiday Inn about a mile down the road from Shepherds Bush Empire, which is where the concert was taking place. It was quite nice, nothing of note to talk about really, except for the window in our room:


Weird. I disovered what it said well after I had opened the window, by which time I guess it didn't apply any more...


The Police are hypocrites. I couldn't actually fit the number of police vehicles parked on double yellow lines in the photo! This was on the walk from the Hotel to the Concert. There were at least 10 vehicles here. It was outside a police station, but still, one rule for them, one for everyone else. Bastards.
















Just to show how close we were, and to test out my phone camera some more, I took this picture with my Sony Ericsson k750i.


And this one too! J5 Phone Stylee!


I made this from a load of leaflets given to me from a guy outside Shepherds Bush Empire. I think it had something to do with shelter, the homeless charity. You'd think they could at least afford a base of headquarters wouldn't you? Anyway, it had lots of funky artwork, so I took a picture of it all.


I saw this in a shop somewhere on Oxford Street, so I took a photo for Jimbo.


About 10 minutes after the 'Handbags for James' photo, I saw this place in convent garden. James started a company called Fuel, and the Logo text was a very similar font if I'm not mistaken. And for the record, James got ripped off by his former best friend and business partner. Nice one Clive Oakes, you cunt. If you have the chance to badmouth www.fuelcreative.com.uk on a business level, then please take it, although James designed the site, so if you like that, I suggest you take your business to him, unless you want your back stabbed by Clive that is.

After wandering around Convent Garden, Oxford Street and Tottenham Court Road, I headed to the station to get my train. I got there at just before 3pm, and had my tickets from the machine by 3:02, according to the clock in the station. However, I couldn't see my train on the list of departures. I thought it was at 3:15, but actually it was at 3:05pm. I got to the customer service booth at 3:04, to find out where my train was, and they told me that the 3:05 train had left.
I looked at the man, then at the big digital clock next to him (which said 3:04:11 PM), then back at him, and said, "the three O five has already left?"
"Yes" he replied sheepishly.
So then, because for the first time in the whole history of British Rail Transport, a train not only left on time, it actually left early! Because of this, I then have to go and 'upgrade' my ticket so that I can use my non-interchangable ticket on a different train. Gaylords. The human shaped slab of useless flesh behind the ticket office was as unhelpful as he was miserable, but after I paid my £16 'upgrade' fee I managed to get a complaint form out of him, which no doubt fuelled his natural disposition toward misery even further.

I then had to wait for an hour for my upgraded train to arrive. It wasn't an unpleasant experience though, as I bought myself some food, then settled down to watch fine women of many nationalities get themselves into all sorts of provocative positions whilst picking up luggage, and hurrying for trains in skimpy summer wear, etc. Ahh. It was most pleasing.

In the end I was quite glad I missed my train. I bumped into a surfer and graphic designer on the train called Jan. By bumped, I don't mean literally, I sat down at is table to avoid sitting next to some old fuckwit who always seems to hog the tables.
Jan and I chatted and drank stella for most of the journey, and it pretty much flew by for me. Probably not so for Jan, as he had another hour and a half to take him home to Penzance. Un-lucky! And just for the record, Noooo, he isn't a Pirate. There is a small non-piratic presence in Penzance, you just have to look for it.
But here's a shout out to Jan and his "Fit as fuck girlfriend!" Gimme a shout when you're in Plymouth next!


I saw this walking home from the train station. I had always suspected that the telephone system was just a more elaborate looking version of two yoghurt pots with string through them. I found my proof today.

That's it for today. I was gonna post some video clips of the concert, but I'm tired now, and I can't be arsed. Piss off, you'll have to wait till next time. :D

You can see full sized versions of these pictures here.



Word.

Urg. Huh. Sumo!

Aloha everyone!

Today I have a special treat for you all. Videos of me and my mate Brooke, in my inflatable sumo suit. These videos were taken at least a year ago now, but I've only just found em on my PC!

Being a blow up sumo is enormous fun. The suit is made up from a parachute material, seals around the neck wrists and ankles, and draws in air through a fan that sits in a pouch in the inside of the suit.

That's it! Enjoy the videos!

If you can't see the video, it's because of user error. Download the xvid codec, and all will be right with the world.


This is Brooke, in the suit. Ahh, it cracks me up!


Me. Sumo Breakdance.


Me again. Sumo Wooyargh!

Stop. Blogger Time!

Woot. The weekend treated me well.

I was busy, but not in a bad, it's loads of effort kinda way, which was most pleasing.

On Friday I went out for a few beers with Laura, Nate, and a load of other people you don't know. It was fun, and I got quite drunk. I went into town on Saturday, with the intention of blowing my wages on some stuff. I wanted a pair of sunglasses, some new shorts, and some wife beater vests. Unfortunately I wandered town for ages, and didn't find anything I wanted to buy. I nearly bought a Nintendo DS, but I couldn't see any games I wanted, so I didn't.

However, while I was in town I met a Japanese man and woman. They wanted directions to the Tourist Office. For those of you who don't know, I speak a small amount of Japanese, and the majority of what I know is based upon what to say when you meet someone for the first time. However, for some reason I got so nervous, and instead of saying Nihongo-ga scoshi wakarimasu, I got the order completely the wrong way round! They were very impressed though, even if I was talking gibberish and couldn't actually remember any of the things I had learned. They were very surprised that I had taught myself!

Anyway, it turns out they work for a TV company, and they're making a programme about the history of Plymouth, and planned on including something about the pubs and bars. They asked me about 'Captain Drake' (Meaning Francis Drake, who I believe was actually a Vice Admiral, and a pirate - yarr!), and they wanted to know about the Pubs that he may have drank in.

I gave them the best information I could, considering I'm no expert in that field, and they went on their way.

Here are some interesting photos I took in town:


Super Rug. Super. I wonder what they can do for YOU?


A Lamborghini Murcielago, I believe...


It was Spanish...


I want one!


This little guy went cruising past me when I was eating lunch. It was really funny. His little vehicle seemed to have a similar engine to the old people's disabled shopping trolley thingies, as he was shifting some, between about 5 and 10mph I reckon! Luckily, he appeared from quite far back, so I was able to get my phone out and prepare to take a pic as he shimmied on by before disappearing round the corner.

After my fruitless shopping trip I went to a beach called Bigbury (I think). What's cool about Bigbury is that just off the coast there's a large island with a pub on it, that you can walk out to, when the tide is low. When the tide is high, you can ride the 'Sea Tractor' to get across for the affordable price of 60p. Yay!

Here are a few of the best photos of the day, click on the pictures for full sized versions. All of these photos were taken with my mobile phone, including the panoramics!

























And a couple of Pics from the pissup on Saturday night, after the beach!



Winky.



One of Nate's friends is a copper. We nicked his badge and played 'pigs and crims'. I'm one badass cop.



Vodka Slush Puppies make me do bad things.



A quality pic of Laura and Nate.



Nate's Brother's cat, Jess. If only it were big enough, it would surely destroy that house.



JessZilla! Destroy! Destroy!

Video Blogging!

Good day fine people, today I bring you the joys of video blogging!

I felt the need to bring you more. Not happy with sharing my thoughts photos and tiny tidbits of my soul, I thought I'd bring you video too! For those of you recently evicted from the 18th Century, video is moving pictures, and looks like real life.

The Four Peters

Genius. Pure Genius. Peter Griffin is my Hero.

Lightsaber!

I've posted this before, but at the time I had no way to easily embed the video in the page. Now I do! Enjoy watching me play with my lightsaber, so to speak...

Swipe.

I'm teaching myself to breakdance. This was about the fourth or fifth time I tried this move. Should be able to do lots in a row with a bit of practice!

Right, so now I can post videos, I expect to receive a load from you lot too. There are no guidelines for your videos, and porn is readily excepted. You're never alone with porn after all.

Oh and Foss, gimme the 7k on speed video, I can't find it on my PC and I wanna post it!

EDIT: Here it is! Woo! Everybody, Enjoy Captain Cosmic and the Daves' 7k on Speed!



Nicey Nice Nice! Woop.

A Cop-Out Post

Hi everyone. My life is really quite unpleasant at the moment. Consider all my rants over the past 6 months, add them all together, and include the fact that NOTHING has really changed since then, and you'll have a fair idea of what's wrong.

My life desperately needs changing. However, I don't really want to write yet another rant for fear of scaring my few readers off, so instead, here's a joke I got by email... despite being pissed off by practically every aspect of my life, it still made me laugh, so I figured those not living in their own personal purgatory would probably enjoy this even more!

A waiter took a bottle of champagne to the woman and said, "This is from the gentleman seated over there," indicating the sender. She regarded the champagne coolly for a second; without looking over at the man decided to send a reply note. The waiter, who was waiting for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants."

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded his note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return it to the woman.

It read: "For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account. However, not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."

Are There Monkeys in Cuba?

Well? Are there?

I have lots of interesting things regarding my life to post about, but for the minute, I'm more concerned with the topic at hand. I woke up sweating last night, every inch of my clammy pallid skin crying out for an answer. I was unable to sleep, the question burning a whole in the back of my head, and then ruining my pillows with a gooey questionable brain-like substance.

The cold sweat running down my back as I perch on the edge of my chair, I check out Google but get no results concerning primates in the land of cigars.
I even checked google images, but got no results!

My motto has always been, "If you're surrounded by fuckwits, then just get your sombrero, and leave". Unfortunately this motto wasn't really applicable in this sense, so I quickly pulled in my backup motto, "Imaginary monkeys are better than no monkeys at all" and I decided to use my imagination.

If there are any monkeys in Cuba, I would imagine they would look something like this.











Next up, some non-cuban monkeys, but funny crazy monkeys none the less!











Now that I've gotten my monkey 'fix' for today, and ensured that you lot have too, I think I may be able to sleep easy tonight.

Later, Chimps.

An Utterly Utterly Random Post!

Good evening children.

Tonight I have a fabulous menagerie of photos to bring to you. I must apologize for my absence of late but there's been a lot going down, and to top it all off, I've been without the internet for a few weeks. I've been to London, Moved house, seen naked people, amongst other things, and I have photos to prove it all! I will show them to you. Consider it my way of apologising.

However, I'm not gonna start with one of my pictures. It appears to be an anaconda dragging a kangaroo carcass up a sheer face. All I can say is,

Look at the size of that monster!

Clicky Clicky the pic for a closer look.../

I've moved house. I'm not living in my 'luxury apartment' any more. As you may remember, the place was so noisy I could never sleep. My new place is much quieter, and it's about £500 a month cheaper for me too, which is nice. The only real problem is that I have no room. I had a 16'x18' room at my old place on the seafront, and I went from there to a large 2 bedroom flat. My current place is a 4 bedroom house. It's very nice, but as it's a new house, the bedrooms are small and the walls are thin.

I have *a lot* of stuff, although I reckon I have about a quarter of the stuff I did this time last year. As my room is so small, I can't fit a lot of stuff in my room, or anywhere else for that matter. I currently have stuff filling the space beneath the stairs, in the front room, on the upstairs landing, in my room, and even the odd box in the attic! I can't really unpack my projector or my surround system, cos there's no room for it, so I'm watching less films these days, as once you're used to a 2 meter wide screen and £1500 sound system it's kinda a let down on a normal telly...

Anyway, here's some pics:


kitchen


Kitchen again, leading to...


Garden! If only the frikking weather would be nice, I could get some hammock time going on!


Front room, the blond haired woman is Lorna, one of my housemates, the other is the Executive Lets hottie.


My room. As you can see, there's not a lot of room in there, especially with my 6' wide bed in it. That's Russ in the picture, another of my housemates.

However, one of the good things about the new place, is the neighbours. Imagine my suprise when I arose, freshly rested after my first night in the new house, and looked out of the front room window, and saw this:


Amazing! Truly the realm of porno movies methinks! All that was needed was for me to go down and offer to fix her fridge, which may or may not have been broken. I'm not sure it would really matter to be honest.

Following off from previous posts, Foss wanted a photo of the view from my room to prove how close I was to the airport at Heathrow. Here is it.


The plane was about to take off. It wasn't difficult to get this picture, I just looked out of the window every time I couldn't hear anything on the TV in my room.

I had also been havng keyboard troubles, as I spilt beer over 2 within 2 weeks. So I cought two more keyboards.


I bought this baby because not only is it waterproof, but it rolls up, and I was suckered in by the advertising on the packet like a proper consumer whore. It did appeal due to it's beer resistant qualities. Unfortunately it requires fingers like Hercules, and I couldn't type properly using it, and after a couple of days of using it, my finger joints were hurting.


I now have this cute little keyboard. It's a laptop sized glowing keyboard. It's a little awkward to type on, but at least it doesn't make my fingers hurt! It's small, so it doesn't take up much valuable desk space, and best of all it glows a pleasing cool blue. Next to the keyboard, you can see my new mouse, a Logitch MX100 Laser. Now, I'm firmly of the opinion that you can make anything better with a laser. That's right, A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G... it really doesn't matter what. Give it a laser, already it's at least 13.7 times better. And by better I mean totally sweet.

In other news, my little sister is pregnant. She's due on Christmas Day, but as she's having twins, I think they usually induce the brith a little bit early. I'm gonna be an uncle. Scary stuff indeed. Especially when my sister seems to think I'll be spending loads of money on them, for some reason...



I'm going to see Jurassic 5 in concert in Shepherd's Bush with Jimbo at the end of the month. In celebration, I took a photo with my new phone (Sony Ericsson k750i) of Russel's Eat and Learn mat, and altered it slightly for Jurassic 5 purposes. It makes a nice desktop, if you have a widescreen monitor, like me.


This one's for you Jimbo, hope you're feeling better!

That's all the news for the moment. I still have loads of phptos to upload, but it's a laborious process when you're doing a lot, so I'm gonna chill out, watch the end of the family guy movie, and at some point, I might consider going to bed.

I'll post again tomorrow or Monday. Byeeeeee!