God-damn tattoo parlor.

I'm not having the best day, although suprisingly, it hasn't got to me one bit.

On Friday, I phoned up Atlantic Coast Tattoos, to ask about colouring over an existing tattoo I have:


I got this one done when I was 18, to cover up a surfing logo tat I had when I was 16! My poor mutilated arm!

When I phoned up, I asked what colours would be usable over black. The lady mentioned blue, purples, and greens. I suggested red, and she said, "Ah yes, Red! Yes, that will also cover black."
"Brilliant!" thought I, as I already had a design in the works, and it was based upon a black and red colourscheme. Inspired by the thought of getting the tattoo done, I spent a large part of Friday sat in working on my design. After much work to my original, and very basic design, I had more or less finished.

Here is the design in question. It's not quite finished, but it was enough to get a tattoo done from. Only my lack of photoshop/illustrator knowledge stopped my from doing it exactly how I wanted.


The black circle in the middle is the main body of the coverup. The thin red straightish squiggly lines within this are supposed to represent a tribal or celtic band, and the main background red squiggles/splash I want to be a kind of tribal flame design, but with more broken lines, and less symmetry. More organic than traditional tribal, you might say.

So this morning I donned my leathers, put the waterproof cover on my bag (looked a bit grey in places!) and set off for Newquay. Multimap's direction service estimated that the 50 mile trip would take me about an hour and a quarter, due to Cornwall's twisty single lane roads for most of the way. 40 minutes later (about 30 of which were spent sitting on my bag cover, as it had come off and was flapping around behind me) I arrived in Newquay. New land speed record for my bike too - 148mph. I don't think it will actually go any faster than that, what with the lack of aerodynamics due to my bike having no fairing. That's plastic body parts, like you see on sportsbikes, for the uninformed.

The ride was fast and I worked my bike hard. The roads were nicely surfaced, and both the traffic (which wasn't too heavy), and the twistiness of the roads just made my ride more exciting. Small children's faces would press to the glass and point, unaware that I could see them, my tinted visor dark enough to appear black even on a bright sunny day. I saw the awed expression of a load of kids peering out the pack window of a coach, as I came screaming up behind them at about 120mph, and then smoothly wound the throttle back, and blitzed past them at about 135mph. Their eyes gave insight to the stories they might tell to their friends on the coach who hadn't widnessed the event. Ahh, it was a good ride.

As I parked my bike, I noticed a bit of coolant on the pavement underneath it. Had that been there before? It looked fresh. I peered under the bike, and it was dripping a little, but not a lot. I thought maybe some coolant had come out of the overflow. I couldn't see anything that looked wrong. All pipes connected, etc.

Nothing I could do right then anyway. I wandered into Newquay centre, feeling pretty warm in my full bike leathers. I found the tattoo place - closed. Dammit. Open at midday. What time is it now? 11am. I had an hour to kill.

I bought a sandwich and a drink and went and sat on a bench at the edge of a little park overlooking Fistral Beach. Here's a pic.


It's a better view when not viewed through a cameraphone. It would be better still if everyone had super-huge displays and I didn't have to shrink the pictures as well. It would be an even better world if I had my own secret island base, and I had a monkey, in a tux, that did my bidding! Yes!

Finally the tattooist opened, and I went in, only to discover that yes, you can cover black with a number of colours like green or purple, but unfortunately red isn't one of the colours that does. Bugger.

Unphased, I resolved to go home and redesign it (but not today!). So, I got on my bike and left Newquay and all the tasty pie there behind. I quickly realised I had forgotten to put in my earplugs, the sound of the wind gets deafening, literally!
I stopped in a layby and put my plugs in. This is when I noticed that my bike was still leaking coolant, and it the bike's temperature was a lot higher than it should be. Thanks to the digital dash, it's easy to tell exactly how hot it is. The bike should be ridden gently until the temp is about 50 degrees centigrade, and the large radiator fan kicks in at about 100 deg C to prevent overheating. Right now it was up at about 75, and I had been taking it easy. Not good. Also there seemed to be coolant all over the front and side of the bike. Also not good.

I discovered that if I went too fast, the engine got hotter from the work, and I didn't want that. However, if I didn't go fast enough, there was no wind too cool the radiator manually. Too fast was above 90, in top gear, and too slow was below 60mph. So sticking in the top gear, I cruised along the roads, keeping my speed as constant as possible at about 75-80mph. The roads were wide enough for me to sweep past cars on the white lines between outgoing and oncoming traffic. Fun, but concentration is required. I only had one occasion where I thought, "Wow that was close". I thought the oncoming car was gonna have my knee off to be honest. I was lucky.

So I'm coming home, keeping a watchful eye on the temp, whilst trying to keep a constant speed and dodging traffic, on twisty roads. I was overtaking a car on a left hand bend. Very bad, yes, but there was a large crisscrossed area in between lanes on this one, and so I was on that. I wanted to get past the car before you reach the part of the corner where there's no escape from oncoming traffic if you're still beside it, so I was doing about 90mph. The speed limit was about 50. Oh, and it the road had double white lines, meaning no overtaking.
Just as I'm completing the maneuver, but what do I see on the other side of the road? A Volvo police car. And the lights and sirens JUST came on. Right as I went past. Coincidence? I think not. What to do? Gotta think fast. I was breaking the speed limit. I was overtaking where you're not allowed. I was pretty much at full tilt. I was driving on an area that you're not allowed to. They would probably say I was driving dangerously, despite the fact I was in full control. Only the number dazzle people. Actually doing it isn't half as bad as it sounds, although the rewards in excitement and exhilaration are amazing. So anyway. I also had back tyre that's probably not legal, as the tread has worn down on middle of the back tyre (but there's still loads on the side, and you don't need grooves for hot sunny roads anyway!). Finally, I had an illegal tinted visor on, although this is stupid in my opinion, but the Police still have a go, cos it's "THE LAW". Yes, amazing, thank you.

So I quickly turned off the main road, and drove a short distance down over a cattle grid, and into a barn. I switched off the engine, and peeked out of the barn. A couple of minutes passed and the Police car whipped past, lights on, sirens blaring.

I waited a couple of minutes, and then wheeled my bike out of the barn. I rode back across the cattle grid, but unfortunately for me the back tyre was covered in mud and coolant. The cattle grid was strange, just metal tubes about 15 cms wide, and about 30cms apart from each other. My back wheel slid and spun. I went to put my foot down, but there was nowhere to place it because of the gaps in the cattle grid. The bike when down, on the grid. It's a heavy motherfucker too, especially when you're trying to balance on metal bars whilst lifting the thing up from being most upside down. It took me one or two goes to get a decent grip and leverage.

I gave the bike 5 minutes to cool down, as the radiator was still smoking, and dripping. I inspected the damage. The bike was now covered in coolant, that die to the heat of the engine had dried up all round the front and the right hand side of the bike. It looked like chronic limescale. The fall had given the bike new scars too. The tank has a dent about an inch deep from the bars on the cattle grid. The handlebars took a bit of a beating, although they're still straight, and there's a crack on the mudguard. I won't know the full extent until I get the thing cleaned.


The red circle is where the main dent is. It's very difficult to tell from this pic though. You can also see the coolant on the front of the engine and the side of the bike.

I got back on the road, and I realised the temperature was higher again. Every pit stop seemed to make it worse. I seemed to have made a wrong turn somewhere on the way back too, as instead of being in liskeard, I was approaching Launceston. Not the end of the world, but another 20-30 minutes on to my journey. I stopped in the Tesco Petrol station to have a good look at my bike - I was pretty worried about it now.
I thought of calling Foss, and allowing my bike sometime to cool down, but I remembered he was away this weekend. I had a good look a my bike. I had to be careful, as I didn't want 100 degree coolant in my eyes. I still couldn't see anything wrong. I looked around for somewhere to put more coolant, but couldn't find anywhere. I suspect the radiator was sealed, as the liquid was a turquoise colour, and tasted funny. So I couldn't put more water in, or anything in for that matter. I bought two big bottles of water, and drenched the radiator and engine in water.

By the time I hit the road again, the bike's temperature was about 60 deg, but it quickly rose to about 100, then up to 110. Luckily, the temperature seemed to level off there, and it went up a bit, then down a bit, probably in connection to the wind direction.

I managed to get home, but the bike's not looking so well for it. I'm gonna have to take it to the garage tomorrow I think! I'm guessing the main fan has blown, which meant that the coolant overheated on the way down, and caused a leak in the radiator. Then when the radiator gets hot, the crack widens, and coolant comes out. It's probably all enhanced by the sloshing around caused by tipping the bike left and right to get round corners.

All this, just because someone at that tattoo parlor doesn't know what they're talking about! Bastards! Although I did go there as they are highly recommended tattooists, and are supposed to be excellent artists.

But, Bastards! Although for some reason I'm not too concerned. I know that if Russ, Ian and I manage to get this place tomorrow, I'll have enough cash to get it all fixed! Pleaseeeee! I hope we get this house!

Oh, and if you haven't already been to eatfoss - go there!

Jeff posted a good link - go here it's funneh! Funneh!

"I was touched by his noodly appendage" Classic.

Oh, and in the interest of legality, this post is entirely ficticious. This whole site is completely fabricated. In fact, I even make up the comments, and none of the people I talk about are even real. Thank you.

Weekend shenanigans.

I'm sorry I haven't posted this weekend. I've been kinda busy. I'm currently lying in bed, as I'm taking the day off sick today. I had a crappy night's sleep, as it seemed like I was awake the entire night, but suddenly it's 6am and the work mobile's demanding my attention. I feel quite sick, in a nasty acidic kinda bile way. It's not terribly pleasant.

Anyway, tired as I am, I can't sleep at the moment, so I thought I'd fill everyone in on what I've been up to.

On Friday night I went to The Bus Stop pub clubby thing, located at Bretonside Bus Station. It used to be a Greek restaurant, but it's recently been sold to the father of a guy called Dan. It was his party. Apparently the party wasn't even the launch party, as the place isn't opening for a while yet apparently, even though the interior seems finished.

Here are some pics I took of the place with my phone.







The party was good, and I got very drunk and polished off all of my Coronas (the bar wasn't stocked yet).

On Saturday I the chore that is standby begins. For those of you that don't know, I work with Oracle Databases for a living. Standby is what comes around about every six or seven weeks, when it is my turn to ride the callout coaster of impending doom.
Basically, if anything goes wrong I get called, whatever the hour. By their nature, databases seem to need assistance at about 3-4am. It's usually backup problems, as certain links in the chain are massively overworked.

We don't get called as much as we used to, but I got a call on Saturday morning. I was expecting the call, as it was in response to some scheduled work, but my bloody laptop wouldn't connect to my PC in work. Grrr. So I had to go into work and do it manually. Then I went into town, parked my bike on the pavement, and wandered round the city centre for a while. I don't think I actually bought anything apart from some lunch for me, and some lunch (frozen white mice) for my snake, Aku.

I went to the bank, and saw this minger in there:


Geez, even the hint of sun, and you get people looking and dressing like this. Quite frankly, it's offensive to my eyes. I don't really look down on people for what they wear, but not only was this very bad taste, but this woman is a monster. Look carefully in the reflection on the glass, and you can see a bit of her face. Be thankful you didn't see it all. Urgh.

I returned to my bike to see these parked next to it. Hehehe.





Then I went home, and watched about 10 episodes of an anime I've downloaded, called Bleach. It's really good. It's about a high school student called Ichigo (isn't it always?!?) who accidentally becomes a Reaper, or Death God, as they call them. Well each Death God gets a sword, called a Soul Slayer, and it's size is based upon how much spirit power each Death God has. Anyway, Ichigo's Soul Slayer is absolutely enormous. The series is very good, and each cliffhanger ending just prompts me to want to watch more.

I decided to do something constructive, like tidy the flat, so I started doing that until I came across a Harmonica in my room. I'd forgotten I had it, and I've no idea who gave it to me, but Dog-nammit I was gonna have fun with this! So I went on the internet, and tried to find some information on how to play the thing. Well, to cut a long story short, I can more or less play "She'll be coming round the mountain" and I can rattle out a very poor version of "Singing in the Rain"

I got called again in the middle of the night on Saturday, I think. It might have been Friday.

On Sunday, the laptop still wasn't working, so I had to go in again, this time to do some scheduled work. I could have done it from home, had the laptop not insisted on defying me. Curse it to the bottom of it's black laptop heart! I spent a few hours in work before I got everything finished.

Then I went to the gym for a bit, but forgot my trainers, so I went in the pool instead. I swam a few lengths, and then I walked up and down the length of the pool at least 10 times (it's good resistance training, and helps core strength). Then I chilled in the Jacuzzi and steam room for a bit.

When I got home, I watched some more bleach, until I ran out. I only thought there were 25 episodes in total, but I watched them all, and the story hadn't ended. So I went online, and realised that the series is still ongoing, and they're only up to 28. So I have 3 more to watch before I'll have to wait about a week for each new episode to be released.

Right, I'm starting to feel tired now, so I'm gonna go and get some kip. Later people.

Gonna make you famous baby!

Hello. My name is Ryan. I make people famous. Actually, only women. And Foss. Go figure.

Anyway, the lastest lucky, lucky lady to be made famous by me is Leane. She works for Wrigleys, in Marketing. I met her under very unusual circumstances (for me), but that's neither here nor there.

I would like to say loads of nice things about Leane, but you know how some people have far too much good stuff in their lives? Yes? Well she's one of them. I really wouldn't want to make her life any more better, because then, ummmm, she would die of happiness. Yes. Since I enjoy her company, it would definately be a bad thing if she died. Then I'd be sad, and I'd make you, the reader, pay dearly.

Right then. Leane's latest good stuff is that she's the project manager for the marketing campaign on the Wrigleys side of the Airwaves-Ducati British SuperBikes Team.

Because of this, she got to go to Valencia for a couple of days to meet the team, get her picture taken with them, and generally swan around (I'd imagine!). As well as that she gets VIP tickets to the Superbike Championship Races! It's not fair!


Lucky Wench! I wanna sit on the bike! On the Left is Leon Haslam, Leane is the one in the middle (obviously!) and James Haydon is on the right.

I'm absolutely positive that I deserve it more, but I guess not!

Here are some pictures of the Airwaves-Ducati bike in action


I can do that.


I can do that too. Pity I don't have that bike.

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, please raise your glasses for Leane. She is one lucky wench! :)

And if anyone else out there has some good pictures and feats of marvel, and want me to make them, and you famous, then please send me the details and I'll get right on it! I'll be your own personal spin doctor!

Naked photos are always accepted, but no nude tramp photos this time thank you.

She's a beautiful ride...!

I went up to my folks' today, to get fed. It was roast beef, and was highly delicious. On the way back I came across some roadworks on one of the major roads in Plymouth, and the road was completely closed. So I decided to get home by riding home on as many unknown roads as I possibly could. The choice on whether to go left or right was determined entirely on how interesting the road looked.

One particularly interesting looking road lef me directly to the Kawasaki factory. To be honest, I didn't even know we had one, but we definately do, as I found it.

Under the watchful eye of the security guard, I pulled up to the big Kawasaki sign, got off the bike took a couple of photos, got back on my bike, waved at the puzzled looking guard, and then rode off.


Nice. My Kawasaki Z750, looking pretty dirty.

Even though the weather is shocking, I had a fun ride none the less! It took me about 40 minutes to get home, which considering I can go from anywhere to anywhere in the city in about 10-15 minutes, was not too bad. And I found loads fun and empty roads. Most pleasing.

Live fast, Die young, leave a good looking corpse...

Hey everyone. I'm back off holiday now, so today or tomorrow I'll give you the lowdown on our Spanish & African adventures. Once I get the pictures off Craig, I'll be able to post a long entry with (hopefully) some good pics.

In the meantime, I'd like to give a shout out to Carlos and the crew of Cierzo, Alex and Sarah who hitchhiked from Oxford to Africa in 6 days, and Doug, who we stayed with whilst in Spain.

I'll put more details up about all these people soon.

I have a funky new haircut too. I would post a picture, but my digicam is out of batteries, and yesterday I dropped my mobile phone in banana milkshake. Accidentally, of course. Not suprisingly, it doesn't work anymore. Once I get a working phone or some batteries, I'll post a pic.

I'm thinking of getting a new motorbike. It's either gotta be this:


Yamaha R6

Or this:


CBR600RR

I'll probably go for the one which has the cheapest insurance!

Whatcha think?

Jumper Reconnaissance Mission Successful!

As you may be aware from my previous post, I lost my jumper. Well, joy of joys, I found it, right where I suspected it had been yoinked from me by 144mph winds.

Well, I found it!!!!

Here are photos from the mission:


The view in front of me...


The view behind me...


The view to the side - My Jumper!!!!


Upon inspection back at home, it's a bit dirty, but it's not damaged at all!

I couldn't believe my eyes when I spotted my jumper at the side of the road, a day later! I'd also like to give a shout out to the rider with a blue Roof helmet and a red Ducati 996 - he stopped to see if I needed any help, and although I didn't, thanks mate, it's good to know that bikers still help each other out nowadays.

Incidentally, I managed to get my storm cover to come off on the way home too, although everything was firmly zipped up inside the main part of the bag, so I didn't lose anything, but I can tell you that the cover comes off at approximately 120mph.

At least I know now.

:)