The Cure For Inadequacy.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you
sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or
pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about
yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness
and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about
anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and
with a regime of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent
you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be
a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you
had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing
should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or
becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include
dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of
motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity,
delusions of grandeur, delusions of adequacy, table dancing, headache,
dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night
rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila®. Leave Shyness Behind.™

Mensa Classics

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners
from 2005:


Intaxication - Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation - Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone (n.) - The substance surrounding stupid people and stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy - Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

Cashtration (n.) - The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti - Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm - The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte - To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis - Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis - A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon - It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.

Glibido - All talk and no action.

Dopeler Effect - The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.) - The frantic dance performed just after you've
acidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.) - Satan, in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.) - The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

Ignoranus - A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

5 Simple Rules For A Happy Life

Hey Everyone. Sorry I haven't written anything substantial for a little while. I have a lot to post about, but the posts are takeing ages to write, and I have little time and willpower at present. I will finish them soon though, and then you can read all about my Christmas, New Year, and everything in between and since then!

In the meantime, please enjoy the 5 simple rules you need to follow for a happy and stress free life:

(1) It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time
to time, cleans up and has a job.

(2) It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

(3) It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to
you.

(4) It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be
with you.

(5) It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other

Bada-Boom! (Cue Tumbleweed)

A posh hotel holds three weddings on the same day, and at the end of the night, the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events over a couple of beers.

One questions the other two, "Listen, it's our wedding night and I was wondering - how many times are we expected to...um...you know.... do it".

Eventually, they all decide to retire to their respective wives and see how the night goes, with the idea to meet up the following morning over Breakfast to discuss what went on.

Suddenly one of the grooms pipes up, "Hold on lads, we can't discuss our first night marital goings on over the breakfast table with our new wives sat with us."

"No you're right. " Says another one "What we'll do then, is for every piece of toast we order with our breakfast, that'll be the amount times we did it", offers another groom. They all decide it's an excellent idea and depart.

The next day in the hotel dining room, the grooms are all looking a bit dishevelled, but that's nothing compared to the brides, who can barely stagger across the room to their tables. The waitress comes up to the first groom to take his order.

"Hello, I'll have the full English breakfast with THREE pieces of toast please". The other two grooms smile at him and raise a glass of fresh orange in a toast to his accomplishment.

The waitress moves to the second couple, and the groom orders, "I'll also have the full English breakfast, but I'll have FOUR pieces of toast"

The waitress gets to the last groom "I shall also have the full English breakfast please, with..." he takes a deep breath "SEVEN PIECES OF TOAST" giving a big cheesy grin to his two wedding mates, who stare at him in disbelief at the thought of how raw his old chap must be.

"Seven pieces of toast sir?" queries the waitress. "Why, that's an awful lot"
"Yes indeed young lady, seven pieces of toast it is." She writes down his order and turns away, but before she can leave, the groom calls after her again. "And by the way love, can you make two of those brown?"

Goats in Trees!

Well, it's finally arrived. The Day I write about Goats In Trees. I've been procrastinating about this for a number of days now, but not for any reason other than the fact that I am a lazy oik.

The reason I am writing this post, is because I am sick of being branded a filthy liar by the people I know. This all started about a week ago. I was browsing the Intarweb for pictures of funnyness. I found many, and I shall post them in due course.
Anyway, I had found a number of funny pictures, so Laura and Nate, my housemates, were also sat near my PC, looking at the pictures with me. I came across a picture containing a number of goats, in a tree.



"Guffaw" said I, "The best thing about this picture, is that it is real"

"BOLLOCKS!" erupted the reply.

Now, I hadn't mentioned this earlier to my housemates, because quite frankly I didn't expect to see a picture of some goats in a tree, (and hence I found myself unprepared for the whole scenario) but I remember vividly watching a nature documentary when I was much younger that contained a lot of good footage of goats climbing trees, and goats in trees. For this reason I knew that this was true.

I had seen it, with two of my favourite eyes! I told my Housemates this (Laura was the least believing) but they refused to acknowledge that the picture was real, and that I was not winding them up.

"Just look at those tiny branches! You expect me to believe that the branches can hold the weight of a goat? How the hell did it get up there anyway? With just hooves, and no opposable thumbs?"



"Well, despite the fact that these two eyes (gestures) saw a nature program about such goats climbing such trees! They are DEFINITELY real, you loon."

However, no amount of reassurance was about to change her mind. I even found more pictures, which were quickly branded as being fakes. It got to the stage where Laura was so convinced I was winding her up, exasperated, I said, "Look, it's not like I've been going all over the internet, planting pictures of goats in trees, just so I could trick you into thinking it!"

Furious that I could be so readily dismissed as being a blatant liar (or possibly just crazy) I decided to undertake the mission to find further proof. So I went researching, and this is what I found:

In order to find a goat in a tree, you'd be best to travel to somewhere drought ridden like Morocco (I've been there, but I didn't see tree goats) or if you're lucky, certain parts of Spain. All of these pictures contain goats in Argan trees (argania spinosa), otherwise known as Moroccan Ironwood. It is an insidious tree with thorny leaves and a thick tough twisted trunk and branches. The goats climb the trees simply because they're too small to reach the fruits, a yellow flesh fruit like a cross between an olive and a lemon, but more rounded. The fruit is like KFC to the goats; they love it.



When goats eat the fruit, the fleshy part is digested but the nut remains. Later, the nuts are collected by farmers to produce oil.
The production of argan oil, which is still mostly done by traditional methods, is a lengthy process. Each nut has to be cracked open to remove the kernels, and it is said that producing one litre of oil takes 20 hours' work.
The oil is slightly darker than olive oil, with a reddish tinge. It can be used for cooking and is claimed to have various medicinal properties, such as lowering cholesterol levels, stimulating circulation and strengthening the body’s natural defences. It is used also for skincare products, and can also help reduce suffering caused by sunburn. As well as for cosmetic uses, the oil has an apparently delicious flavour, and is used in all manner of cooking, and I can't really be bothered to get into that right now.



Anyhoo, I've strayed from my original topic: Goats Climbing Trees. However, beware, as not every instance is as black and white as it seems. In certain areas of Morocco, you may see goats in trees, but they may not be tree climbing goats. In some areas local children put the goats in the trees so that they can pester the tourists for money once they take a picture of the goats in the tree.

So finally, after finding lots of photos and even a video, I finally convinced my housemates that despite what common sense may tell you, goats really can, and do, climb trees!



Then I made the mistake of mentioning it to the people at work. Ridicule ensued. So, I decided to write this post.

So here you should be able to find irrefutable proof that many a goat has climbed many a tree. If you untrusting buggers still don't believe me, then here is a good quote and a few links for you to follow:

On reflection, though, any mountaineer could tell you how easily a goat can get into and out of situations denied to us graceless bipeds unless we use fathoms of rope and an expensive collection of arcane ironmongery, so what should be so difficult about climbing a tree?

Did these Goats Really Climb Trees?

More Goats in Tress info and pics!

Tree Climbing Goats Crap Old Beauty Trick

Can't get enough of goats in trees

Please note, some of the content in this post has been nicked from some of these sites. Plagerlicious.



If I was a goat I'd go to space. People would call me SpaceGoat. Those that believed, anyway....

Flaming Furry Fireball of Irony.

Talk about Poetic Justice....

I stole most of this from the BBC.

Blazing mouse sets fire to house

A US man who threw a mouse onto a pile of burning leaves could only watch in horror as it ran into his house and set the building ablaze.
Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner, New Mexico, found the mouse in his home and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," he was quoted as saying by AP.

Though no-one was injured, the house and everything in it was completely destroyed.

"I've seen numerous house fires, but nothing as unique as this one," Fire Department Captain Jim Lyssy said.

New Mexico has seen several major blazes after unseasonably dry and windy conditions which have destroyed 10 homes and devastated more than 53,000 acres (21,200 hectares) of land. Fires caused by Flaming Mice are much less common.

Loose Change 9-11. A Film Everyone Should See.

Especially the Americans. I believe every American should put their views aside, and take a look at this film with an objective eye. Although to be quite honest, the evidence is pretty damning. From only watching a small portion of the film, you can tell that the official story behind the terrorist attacks are quite frankly, bullshit, and badly disguised at that.



The film written and directed by Dylan Avery, a 21 year old from Washington DC. Three years of research presented in a tidy and straight to the point manner, the film is basically a documentary containing what appears to be nothing but hard facts. I've done a small amount of reasearching, looking at the credibility of this guy's claims, and it has to be said, they seem pretty on the mark to me!

Whilst watching this film I had a compelling urge to shout at people. Anybody really. How can people commit atrocious crimes, and clearly escape punishment? How does the American public accept George W Bush? It's would seem that George and his administration are directly responsible for this tragedy. Even if somehow G.W Bush isn't directly responsible, he should still be shunned out of office for letting such a blatent cover up go without action. However, you will see from the film, that the only people who benifited from 9-11 was the Bush family, suprise suprise.

I'm not gonna go deep into discussing the film, and biase your views. However it's only an hour long, and I'm sure you will find your own form of outrage that power can be so calmly abused, and nobody does a thing.

Except of course people like Dylan Avery. Give this film your time, please. It really amazed and shocked me. If you're expecting Michael Moore, you'll be dissapointed. This film makes Michael Moore's look like a mockumentary, and seems to deal soley in the facts, rather than the vague, drama-esque style that Michael is more accustomed to. Sorry for the pun by the way; the words just worked out like that I'm afraid.

I wouldn't normally advocate this, as normally it would be illegal, but get yourself over to Mininova.org or Torrentspy.com and download this film.



Not only does that message appear right at the end of the film (and in the beginning of the extras), but as you can see from this post in a 911 forum that he has actually posted it online, and knows and endorses the fact that people are downloading his film.

Go buy it, or download it, or even watch it on Google Video. Whatever. But make sure you see Loose Change 9-11. And tip your hat to it's creator, while you're at it.