Marriage Vs Prostitution

Right, well I know how much fury this will cause in many women especially my new admirer Tam, but what the hey, let's talk about a delicate topic and see what happens.

I was listening to some colleagues at the other day at work. They were discussing their marriages; one was married, the other was getting married. They were discussing cost, mainly.

Did you know that the average UK wedding costs between twelve to fifteen thousand pounds? This includes everything, from the placemats to the honeymoon. This is a lot of money, in my opinion, just for your woman's 'special day' and a piece of paper. Also bear in mind that this is only the average price, meaning that some people's must be a lot higher as well.

All this got me thinking. Women are expensive creatures to keep.



Even women that have decent paying jobs (or families) can often be just as much a drain on your financial resources as a poor one. The reason for this being that all women like doing stuff. "Let's go for lunch in a pub in town" is a fine example. I have no problems with this, but when you eat out a lot, the cost does mount up. This seems a bit unfair to be making these claims, but I talk from experience. The only time in my life I stopped dipping into my overdraft each month was when I became single.

So I wonder, would it be cheaper, over the course of a lifetime, to have a wife, or pay for prostitute? I'm making my mind up as I go along, as I haven't come to a decision. All the thinking about this is happening ad lib.

A wife has certain requirements. Here is a list of things that cost money, which they ALL seem to do:

• Need a new house. Generally the pattern goes: redecorate the entire house. Then move house. Then redecorate new house. I can name at least 5 colleagues who seem to be in endless circle of DIY, redecorating and moving house, all because of their squishier other.

• Need things. Things for the house, things for the garden. Things that hold no purpose, except to chisel your home into the type of place you only see in magazines at the doctor's surgery or your gran's house. I know one man whose wife suddenly bought some live chickens and a little house for them, completely out of the blue. Just goes to show you never know what they might NEED.

• Want children. I'm gonna write a post some time on how the world's going mad from overpopulation. For now, the relevance for children is that they are bloody expensive, and a hell of a lot of work. You pay for them for over a fifth of their life, and usually more, unless you were an outstanding child like me, and got the fuck out before you were 17

• Desire clothes, shoes, presents, etc. They have birthdays, valentines, and plenty of other consumer whore days. If you have kids, there's more still. I know I've only scratched the surface as far as costs are concerned, but I think this is enough to make my case for my gut reaction of prostitution being cheaper in the long run.

You see if the average marriage costs £12K, and you have children, move house a couple of times, buy a couple of cars, get a family pet, send your kids to uni, pay for their every need, dote on your wife, then there isn't a lot of cash left, unless you become wealthy enough to cover these costs tenfold, in which case, the wife's wants will follow suit, and you'll probably still be skint.



I would estimate that as your married life becomes exponentially more expensive, most of your income would go towards keeping this 2.4 family unit happy. Primarily the wife, because if she isn't happy, then nobody is. For most people I work with, I would say that that is in excess of £20,000 per year. Some of my colleagues in my team earn around the mark of 40K per year, and I know that they don't get as much cash to themselves as I do, and I earn less than they do, an amount nowhere near in proportion when you consider how little money they have to spend compared to me on my lower salary. If I earned what they do, I'd would probably have at least twice as much money, maybe three times the amount at my disposal than they do, due to, in essence, their wives.

Now let's say the average decent quality hooker in the UK costs £60 per shag. For twenty grand a year, you could have sex 333 times. And that's not counting the fact that she'd probably give you a discount for that much business. You could have sex nearly every day for less than it costs to have a family. Now there might be the odd day you don't want sex, and so, you gain more money.


If you found one like this, you would be even better off!

Let's say the average married couple have sex 4 times a week. Now that's generous, and doesn't count the fact that once you stay with someone for a long enough period of time, the sex dries up. Over the course of a married lifetime the average amount of sex per week is probably only about once, and I reckon that's generous, given the number of people who seem to complain they're not getting it enough.
Anyway, for 4 times a week at £60 a go, that's still only £12,400. You're getting more sex than the average married man, and you're more than seven and a half grand richer.

Now if you has a successful career, and you're busy a lot of the week with lots of activities that you enjoy doing, then it might be better off just having a hooker at the weekend and on special occasions. You could have a regular posh and pretty escort girl to accompany you Saturdayurday evening, have a great gettingedrunkdrunk in nightclubs, soaking up the envy of other men, especially the 'happily' married ones, and then back to your swanky batchelor pad for a night of explosive porno sex.

I have no idea how much a night like this would cost (honest!), but I bet it would be cheaper than the lifetime of debt, marriage and children. Hell if you wanted really high class, you could just do it every other week and on special occasions or work night outs. If you had a regular high class call girl, nobody would need to know she wasn't your other half, except of course your close friends.

Another advantage would be if you became bored with your regular girl, or you weren't really getting along too well, you could just change her. Sure, she may have given you a discount, but she would always cry after sex, and it was really disconcerting. Sorry, ahem, back to topic.

It would seem to me so far at this point that life would be not only cheaper, but easier too, when you consider all the complex emotional stuff that comes with marriage.


Come on Girls, admit it. You'd do this given half the chance wouldn't you?

I feel it important to note that virtually all my comments about women being expensive could just as easily be arranged to say that men are expensive. And you'd probably be right. So ditch your boyfriend or husband, and turn to Gigolos. Incidentally I've just started a new business with competitive rates, and I can provide excellent references.

So that's my thoughts on the matter, cut kinda short as I have to go out, and not quite as controversial as I thought they might turn out to be. However if I think of anything else, I'll post it up.

Keep the fan mail coming.