Oh. Fucking. Yes.

Imagine the near future. A small boy flies past your window on a jetpack, whilst your cybernetic home help chucks the head of a wet mop, catching the boy clean in the face and sending him flying into a dumpster that talks about rubbish incessantly. The day passes, and you spend most of it dressing your cybernetic help as a pirate in preparation for the upcoming party. The Cybernetic Pirate help insists on vacuuming the sofa before you leave.

You look at the calendar on the wall. Digitised breasts flash at you, and then the nipples rearrange to spell out the numbers '2008'. You look closely at the various spots and moles on the breasts, expecting them to tell you the exact date, but they remain motionless on the nippleless breasts.

Meanwhile, the home help has got it's arm caught in the sofa. It trips face first into the leather, emits a bleep followed by what suspiciously sounds like a small 'Yarr', before turning the TV on. You wonder what could have made the help 'Yarr' as it is only programmed to beep. However my attention is rugby tackled by the TV and forced to watch it's equivalent to a haku.
The newsreaders are blabbering excitedly about some TV show that was cancelled years before, way back in 2003. Half a decade has passed since then, and you're sure that the TV executives are bringing it back because the studios many thinktanks are filled with mindless cretins who can't think of an original idea. The show is bound to be shit, I mean it happened before anyone had created robot help, or jetpacks, or suicide booths.

You reminisce for a couple of seconds before an artists impression of the robot flashes up on screen. However it is no ordinary robot, you know him, although he has never set foot in your house. Then you realise, this is what they were talking about, this is the robot making a comeback. You smile to yourself, remembering his shiny metal butt...







That's right folks, in 2008, futurama is making a comeback...!

Wooo!

Global Warming Proven

Apparently, according to recent studies all over the world, Global Warming is on the increase. A large amount of research has has been undetaken in order to decide whether or not the earth is getting hotter at a rapid rate.

Advocates for this theory have been pointing at the 'hockey stick' diagram, a graph that depicts the last 1000 years of global temperature. Funnily it looks much like a hockey stick, with no temperature changes over nearly 1000 years, and then a rapid increase over the last 50-100.
The critics however, call the advocates names, and accuse them of cherry picking results. These are probably the same people who sit in Bush's administration, arrogantly ignoring the fact that the Kyoto Protocol even exists, and convincing members of the public that the fossil fuels they've 'earned' from I-raq will last another 3 million years.


The Hockey Stick Chart, where you can clearly see a minor amount of change in global temperature, followed by a dramatic increase in temperature over the last 5-10 decades.

Now, finally, there seems to be conslusive proof of this so called 'Global Warming'. A study conducted by The National Academies' National Research Council, a leading American Scientific body. It showed that Human activity is the main cause of this, and that "the last few decades of the 20th century were warmer than any comparable period in the last 400 years … and potentially the last several millennia.", according to the authors of the report.


One of the most serious problems caused by Global warming.

So... now that we have proof that Global Warming is indeed a very real and very concerning issue, my question to the people of today's world would be:

"Why the hell haven't I seen more women in bikinis?".

My Dad Knows Me Too Well

I got an email this morning. It made me laugh, so I thought I'd share it with you peasants:

Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
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Answer:

Get off the children's Merry-Go-Round, you're pissed.

The Best Of The Internet

Over many years on the net, I have discovered that most people who use the internet can be more or less categorised by one of two groups; those who like porn, and those who like pictures of cute little animals. Thanks to www.b3ta.com, someone has emalgamated the two, so that surfing time and bandwidth can be cut dramtically.

Please Scroll down...
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Smokey Smokey

Someone in work has bought chocolate cigarettes to celebrate their birthday!


Check out how cool they make me look:







And remember kids, smoking definately makes you more cool, more fun, and everybody will like you more!