A Fortnight of Nothingness.

Hello everybody! It's been a couple of weeks since I posted anything. This is because I've been off work. Normally this would afford me more time with which to post, but this time I made sure I didn't waste my leave.

When I was booking my leave, I drifted off into my imagination, where I had visions of myself relaxing and lounging around, living the life of luxury, and doing absolutely fuck all for a whole 2 weeks. It seemed like bliss.

I love doing nothing, and it turned out to be everything I'd ever dreamed it would be. However, although I did do a large amount of Sweet FA, I could not truthfully say that I did "nothing". I been working on ART. During my time off I taught myself how to use Adobe Illustrator CS2, and I started working on my first piece.
It's coming along slowly, as each time I want to do something, I have to figure out how to actually do it, and then how to configure the options for that particular task. Still, it's only my first piece, and is still a continuation of the learning process. Eventually I hope to be able to print poster sized images for myself, and anyone else who may want a copy, making me a rich, self-dependant artist. That would be sweet.

So during my first week off, I mostly did that. At the weekend a few of us went out. It was Nate's (my housemate) little brother's 18th birthday. Not only would it have been rude to miss such a blatent drinking event, but it was also my birthday a couple of days later. I was 27, by the way. I can't believe I'm gonna be 30 soon. Before you know it, I'll be dead!

I didn't get much for my Birthday - my dad gave me the lord of the rings books (which I already had, but was an old tatty unmatching set), a small amount of money, a mug from my sister, and a mug warmer that doesn't work from my housemates (although they don't know that).

I discovered around the same time as my birthday that I've managed to get myself on a free holiday in June. My brother plays football (soccer to the yanks) at a professional level. He has recently signed with a new team, and they gave him some cash, and rented a £2500 a week villa in Javea, Spain for him and anyone he wants to go on holiday with him. As the villa sleeps 16 people, and has it's own private grounds and pool, I'm sure it'll be fairly nice...! :)

So, with thoughts of a free holiday bouncing round my brain, and a bit of spare birthday cash in my pocket, I decided that I should buy something. I've been after a MP3 player for a while, as I'd previously been using my mobile (it has a 1gb card in it) as my primary MP3 player. However I have 9Gbs worth of MP3s, and about 14 thousand pictures, so your average mp3 picture viewer just wasn't gonna cut it.

I ended up buying a Creative Zen Vision:M MP3/JPG/Video player. It has a 30gb hard drive in it. Not only does it play music and show pictures. it also supports DivX and Xvid movie files, as well as WMV and other avi formats. Oh, and apart from the fact that it scratches more easily than warm butter. A full review by me can be found here, when I've written it.

The second week of my leave was spent with me spending a great deal of time playing with my new toy, and working out exactly what videos will and will not work on the player, as well as trying to discover how to make the filesizes small, but the quality good. There is a medium, I just haven't found it yet, althought the default quality is scher-weet.

Unfortunately I didn't get much art done in my second week, mostly because I was fecking around with video encoding, and organising my pictures. As I mentioned earlier, I have about 14 thousand pictures, which equates to somewhere in the region of 10gb. It took me a little while to get my pics sorted! I did watch a few good films though - such as Seven Swords, and Myth (new Jackie Chan film).

Well, tonight I'm off to the gym, then round to my old man's house, and then home for sleep. I'm feeling pretty knackered despite my 2 weeks off, because when I don't have work, I revert back to being a nocternal person. I've never gotten used to quitting the Casino and working daytimes again, even though it was about 8 years ago now. I've been trying to wean myself into bed before 5am. Last night I managed 3am. My alarm wok me up at 7am, so I'll probably be tired enough tonight to get to bed early! If I don't, it'll only be a number of days before my body becomes angry at 4 hours sleep a night, and it'll force me to go to bed early.

Anyway, I've just realised I'm rambling again, and this email could probably have been shortened by 50%, and I'd have still said all the things I wanted to say.

Later, suckers.

MySpace Is Gay!!!

That's right, you heard right! However luckily for me, they're not my words, so there should be no need to flame me into a horrible virtual death.

In fact the words come from the site www.myspaceisgay.com

Funnily enough, the page address is fairly descriptive, and should tell you everything you wish to know about the said site.

I've included a snapshot of the site:



You can visit my myspace account here, to see what type I am.

Ahh bollox to being subtle, here's my type!

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Buy Me Stuff, Bitches!

I've decided that my readers have been getting it free and easy for far too long. So in the interests of World Peace and me having lots of new stuff, I've decided to post a list of things that I want.

Please buy them for me. It's my Birthday tomorrow.


Schrödinger's Cat: (Front and Back Images)


Ahhh... the mystery...! But don't peek in the box!


Arrgh

Says it all really.


Beware of Perverts

You never can be too careful. :p


Now Taking Applications for a Japanese girlfriend

Mmmm.... Hehehe.


Modo Kun T-shirt

Bow down and tremble before the mighty Modo-Kun!!!!


Cigarette Lighter Bay for PC

This is awesome. I don't really know why I want one, but I do.


Obey Gravity

"Obey Gravity, It's the Law!" Ffnar.


Futurama Desk Sign

Awesomeness. I love Futurama.


Metal Bender

"Bite My Shiny Metal Ass!"


Ninja Attack!

They could attack at any time, and with this, it's as simple as pulling a triiger.


Stikfas Figures

Stikfas Ninjas! Little ninja guys with moveable bodies! Place them in any position (prefereably menacing) and they'll stay like it, depending on gravity, of course. Even these guys must still OBEY gravity. Oh, and there's another one of these figures that looks like a pirate. I want that one too, so the pirate and the ninja can battle it out!


Das Keyboard

Better than any typing tutor....


Tix LED Clock

It has lights, it tells the time. Other than it's inability for making toast, it's perfect!


Pi T-shirt

Pi, to something like 8000 digits. It's sad, but also ummm... dammit, I was gonna say 'cool'.... shut up. I still want one.


Black Knight Plush Toy

You can pull his arms and legs off, at will. "Come back and fight, you sissy!"


That's it. Remember, I am boh worthy, and deserving, so go buy me stuff right now!

Thanks.

Pancake Day 2006: Guerilla Warfare

Location: South of the front room, otherwise known as the kitchen.
Mission: To deliver pancakes to three hungry mouths.
Alternatives: Diiiiiieeeeeeee!

Imagine Vietnam. 1967. You're a 16 year old Northern Liberation Front(NLA) soldier in the midst of the Vietcong, crouched behind a spiky green and yellow bush just outside the edge of a Village recently occupied by an American platoon. Except that the bush is no ordinary bush. This bush conceals the hidden entrance to a huge network of underground tunnels.

You're not scared by the nearby sounds of badly silenced whispering or the snapping of twigs under the heavy boots of American soldiers. They are mere novices in Jungle warfare, and the guerilla tactics employed by you and your small squad trained in guerilla warfare not only devastate the enemy's morale , but also render most technological advantages they have useless. Their highly expensive training does not prepare them against the environment they face, nor the tactics we employ. So I am not worried, for although alone, I have the upper hand.

They are tense, arguing quietly amongst themselves. I don't understand what they are saying, but I can tell where they are headed from their hand movements. A hand points right at me, indicating with two fingers in a pointing motion. I freeze, although I'm confident that I cannot be seen. If they come, it will take me mere seconds to slip into the tunnel and escape. Even if they find the entrance, they won't be able to follow; the tunnels are marginally larger than the average Vietnamese man, but too small for the larger Americans, especially with all the equipment they carry.

Following the examples set by Chinese Guerrillas before them, the Vietcong's highest priority was to build safe base areas. Each villager in the NLA has to dig 3 feet of tunnel a day. Because of spotter planes, above ground bases are easily discovered and neutralised. Tunnel networks were created as a method to combat this. It's a safe recluse from the enemy, with sleeping quarters and kitchens. This tunnel's main path leads right back into the jungle, and resurfaces near the Ho Chi Minh Trail, although it joins the main network of tunnels. There's about 200 miles of tunnel in total. Inside the deepest tunnels are multiple caverns, containing store rooms for weapons, rice, along with equipment for making traps and medical equipment.

The higher level tunnels weave an intricate nest of hidden entrances and diguised ground level firing bunkers. I dig my hand into the bush, grab the center and twist to reveal an entrance barely a foot square. I ease myself in and the replace the bush on top, checking that it is correctly in place and secure. I climb down the long wooden ladder to the bottom, calling out to the sentry posted behind a very small opening in the tunnel. If I don't call, halfway down I'll end up shot or bayoneted through the gap. I crawl on my stomach through a tunnel so narrow it brushes the top of my head as I slither along to the nearest firing post. The firing post is a bunker dug out of the earth from beneath. It has several small openings in the top from which I can fire. From the outside, it's nearly impossible to spot, as it looks like part of the normal undergrowth.

I take aim at the soldiers with my Chinese-made AK47, and let rip. The gun emits a deafening blat-blat noise that sends the nearby birds spiraling upwards into the sky. The soldiers dive in all directions, and one crumples where he stands, a victim of my A-K. The bullet cases ricochett around the inside of the firing post, bouncing off the sides and hitting me before coming to rest on the floor, smoldering a little. The remaining soldiers spread further out, firing wildly into the undergrowth, when their guns are firing properly, that is. They're not even looking my way. The sound of the gun is muffled somewhat by my bunker, and the remaining sound dissipates in the forest, making it difficult to place.
They're close now, close enough for me to see the sweat gleaming on their faces from the intense head and humidity. I pick off one, two, three American soldiers. I duck as a grenade is thrown in my direction; it's close, but not close enough to do more than hurt my ears if I don't cover them. I cover my ears. I look from the bunker, I cannot see my enemy any more. Maybe they've retreated. Maybe, but unlikely. It's time for me to move on also. Never stay in one place. My patriotism keeps me going. "Forever Hate The American Invaders".**

Fin.

** Except Jeff

Right, now imagine this, but instead of Vietnam, it was my kitchen, and instead of bullets and grenades, you have one lightly burnt and incredibly robust pancake.

I won't describe the fun activities that went on in the kitchen that night, as the Vietnam story I wrote covers that nicely, however you may find it interesting to know that slightly burnt cold pancakes also make very durable frisbees. Thanks to Laura and Nate, for providing pancakes, and moving targets. :)

That was my Shrove Tuesday. I bet it was better than yours.

For more info on Vietcong Tunnels, see here