The Imaginatively Titled, 'I Hate Everything' Post.
I haven't had much of a moan for a while, so it's about time again. There's been too much funny stuff, and as everyone knows, comedians are often the most sad. When was the last time a comedian died of old age?
Anyway, I'm writing this because I'm in a particularly bad mood. I remember when I used to wake up and every day was a brand new day, and I'd feel great. Over the past 2 years though, more and more I've been waking up feeling shitty before the day has even begun.
It's mostly because it's my destiny to never get enough sleep, although it occurred to me this morning that I hate every single aspect of my life. I hate where I live and where I work. I hate my dramatic lack of friends, and the fact my life seems to be comprised of lots of small sections of things I hate, all running concurrently.
I hate being woken up every morning by either my flatmates, neighbours or chirruping birds. The birds and one of of my flatmates gets up at 5am, so that's usually when I first wake up, although if I'm not awake by 7 to 7:30am, my other flatmate wakes me up. Neither my flatmates or the birds mean to wake me up on purpose, but I'm a light sleeper, the walls are thin, and they're not too practiced in being silent.
Other things I hate are my chronic lack of a decent social life, the fact that all the shit stuff in my life drains my motivation to do anything with the time I could make good use out of, and the sorry state of affairs regarding what could very loosely be described as my love life. Come Christmas and I'll have been single for 4 years. It ain't gonna change anytime soon, as I've had all my 'chances'. I hate being reminded of all this by hearing my flatmates having sex in the next room.
I hate the fact despite earning nearly double the average wage for my city, I can't afford to buy a house that isn't a small crap flat or in a shit area. My disposable income (that's not disposable enough to buy a decent home) means that everyone takes me for a ride financially, my 'friends' included, simply because I'm too demotivated to remember properly who owes me what.
I hate myself, my insecurities, the weirdness that causes me to have limitless confidence around people, but zero confidence around women and in myself. I hate that the 'best years' of my twenties should have been spent being promiscuous, but that the number of girlfriends I've ever had, I can count on 2 hands, easily.
I hate being too old now to start a lot of the things I want to do. A lot are fitness related, but my body is now getting too old to start and get good at things like gymnastics, acrobatics and breakdancing. If I practice too much, I injure myself, although I'm careful, and then I have to wait months to heal. I hate that my personal goal of being able to do back handsprings will almost certainly never be achieved.
I hate that I am a perpetually uncomfortable person, and I hate that my body doesn't seem to be designed for sitting or lying down. I can't sit in a chair for more than 5 minutes without being deeply uncomfortable. I have to get up when I wake up usually, as despite having a very comfy bed, I'm still always uncomfortable in it. I hate that I have to sit down all day for my job, meaning that I spend most of my life suffering a mild form of uncomfortable agony. I hate my job, despite the pay.
I hate that I seem to be waiting for my life to pass me by, and that as a kid I had so many dreams and ambitions that have slowly been crushed from me, until all that's left is person plodding through life because he's too stubborn to end it, waiting for it to end itself so he can have another go.
I hate that I feel so crap all the time. I hate that I'm so selfish, constantly thinking about how crap my life is, when I have it easy compared to the millions of starving/war torn/diseased/victimised people all over the world. I hate that I can't get over all the little things that make me so much more lucky than others. I hate that feeling depressed is sort of comforting and familiar to me. I hate that I don't smile as much as I used to.
I hate the fact I hate everything, and I hate even more that I'm too powerless and demotivated to change anything.
Anyway, I'm writing this because I'm in a particularly bad mood. I remember when I used to wake up and every day was a brand new day, and I'd feel great. Over the past 2 years though, more and more I've been waking up feeling shitty before the day has even begun.
It's mostly because it's my destiny to never get enough sleep, although it occurred to me this morning that I hate every single aspect of my life. I hate where I live and where I work. I hate my dramatic lack of friends, and the fact my life seems to be comprised of lots of small sections of things I hate, all running concurrently.
I hate being woken up every morning by either my flatmates, neighbours or chirruping birds. The birds and one of of my flatmates gets up at 5am, so that's usually when I first wake up, although if I'm not awake by 7 to 7:30am, my other flatmate wakes me up. Neither my flatmates or the birds mean to wake me up on purpose, but I'm a light sleeper, the walls are thin, and they're not too practiced in being silent.
Other things I hate are my chronic lack of a decent social life, the fact that all the shit stuff in my life drains my motivation to do anything with the time I could make good use out of, and the sorry state of affairs regarding what could very loosely be described as my love life. Come Christmas and I'll have been single for 4 years. It ain't gonna change anytime soon, as I've had all my 'chances'. I hate being reminded of all this by hearing my flatmates having sex in the next room.
I hate the fact despite earning nearly double the average wage for my city, I can't afford to buy a house that isn't a small crap flat or in a shit area. My disposable income (that's not disposable enough to buy a decent home) means that everyone takes me for a ride financially, my 'friends' included, simply because I'm too demotivated to remember properly who owes me what.
I hate myself, my insecurities, the weirdness that causes me to have limitless confidence around people, but zero confidence around women and in myself. I hate that the 'best years' of my twenties should have been spent being promiscuous, but that the number of girlfriends I've ever had, I can count on 2 hands, easily.
I hate being too old now to start a lot of the things I want to do. A lot are fitness related, but my body is now getting too old to start and get good at things like gymnastics, acrobatics and breakdancing. If I practice too much, I injure myself, although I'm careful, and then I have to wait months to heal. I hate that my personal goal of being able to do back handsprings will almost certainly never be achieved.
I hate that I am a perpetually uncomfortable person, and I hate that my body doesn't seem to be designed for sitting or lying down. I can't sit in a chair for more than 5 minutes without being deeply uncomfortable. I have to get up when I wake up usually, as despite having a very comfy bed, I'm still always uncomfortable in it. I hate that I have to sit down all day for my job, meaning that I spend most of my life suffering a mild form of uncomfortable agony. I hate my job, despite the pay.
I hate that I seem to be waiting for my life to pass me by, and that as a kid I had so many dreams and ambitions that have slowly been crushed from me, until all that's left is person plodding through life because he's too stubborn to end it, waiting for it to end itself so he can have another go.
I hate that I feel so crap all the time. I hate that I'm so selfish, constantly thinking about how crap my life is, when I have it easy compared to the millions of starving/war torn/diseased/victimised people all over the world. I hate that I can't get over all the little things that make me so much more lucky than others. I hate that feeling depressed is sort of comforting and familiar to me. I hate that I don't smile as much as I used to.
I hate the fact I hate everything, and I hate even more that I'm too powerless and demotivated to change anything.
Ryaninja flipped out at 7:50 am
Throw me a Stabby Shuriken - 3 thrown so far!
3 Comments:
Great Post. Thanks. By the way, as I sit in my comfy chair waiting to take one of my five hot, nympho girlfriends to our weekly nude breakdancing parachuting karate class, I am reminded of the fact that last night while hanging out with the in crowd that my wallet was empty. Can I borrow $1,000,000.00 till the second Tuesday in next week?
Pull your socks up, turn those frowns upside-down and get your arse out there and amongst it. No one else can do this, only you.
Smile, laugh and be happy no one wants to be with a misery-guts, you have to project an air of unfathomable cool to get the biatches and you need to make them want you. This can be achieved simply with eye-contact and a wry smile which I am sure you can do. Make them laugh, laugh yourself, laugh at yourself and at them, they will feel warm feelings.
No point mooching man, if you want to get fit join the gym, take up the tae-bo or whatever and dont, whatever you do post miserable-ass blog posts like this.
Nobody, repeat nobody likes a misery. Cheer up man, your fan club in Kent loves ya, I guess I don't tell you often enough.
Peace!
I've seen you when you're happy, you're the master of cool, confidence and charm. Get yourself back in the zone, and it'll start to snowball. The happier you are, the more it reflects back at you. The hard part is getting there, but you can do it.
I used to hang on to relationships 'cause I was scared of being on my own. I used to be a pushover, and do whatever I could just to cling on to whatever deformed muntress that'd show interest. Then I saw how confident you were when you became single. I saw how much fun you were having, how awesome it looked, and it inspired me. Gave me strength. You can get to that point again, just don't let all the negativity you're feeling right now overwhelm you.
Also, stay the fuck out of my rhodedendrons. You're scaring the animals.
Post a Comment
<< Home