Room 101.

Yoink! I stole this idea from someone else. His name is Dave. He is the person previous to me on the blogring Blogging Brits (see link in the bar on the right).

You can see Dave's original post here.

If you don't already know, the concept behind Room 101 is to name 5 things that you would like to get rid of forever. I forget why it's Room 101 that it goes to. I did know, once, but the answer eludes me. Damn you!

Anyway, here are my 5 things:

1. Work.
   Definitely. I don't care about whether you lot work, this is just about me, so no comments like "oh no, what would we all do if we didn't work? Boo hoo, the economy couldn't survive, and we'd all turn into savages." - Shut up.
   For those of you who have seen the film Office Space, you will understand what I mean perfectly. Although unlike Peter, I don't really hate work itself, there's just a whole load of other things I'd really rather be doing instead. I've thought of changing careers to something that doesn't involve a lot of actual 'work' such as a politician or a writer. I'll have to get back to you on that.
   But work. Absolutely. Into Room 101, leaving me somewhere sunny, lounging around.
2. Old People.
   I might have to devote a whole post to this. I know, I know, they're your Gran or Grandad or Father or old uncle Buck, whatever. I 'm probably not talking about them, or maybe I am. I'm talking about specific ones. The ones that seem to appear from nowhere, then get in your way when you're in a hurry, and then tut when you look impatient or sigh loudly at them. The ones that don't say thank you when you hold a door open for them even though at their age, they should know better. The ones that absolutely will not budge from the reserved seat on the train so that you and your three friends can sit together at their reserved table, simply because she was there first, ignoring your polite requests for her to vacate the seat that wasn't reserved for her, and you then have to spend the next 45 minutes sat at the table trying to bully her into leaving and exclaiming that, "It's okay everyone, she'll be dead soon anyway."
   So, I'm sorry, but old people really should go into Room 101. Or their own island where the younger old people look after the uber-old, and they can all moan as much as their heart's content without bothering anybody. And for God's sake, stop giving them so much healthcare. If we hadn't stretched their life out using medication and surgery, they would be long dead anyway. What's the point? They're gonna die anyway. It's like spending money on an rusty old car that you're gonna take to the tip sooner or later anyway, you're left with less cash and nothing to show from it apart from a cadaver. It's sorta like the One Ring; it keeps you alive for longer, but the quality of life is crap, and at the end you look like a living skeleton. Nasty.
   


3. Bad Driving.
   I live in Plymouth, and I ride a motorbike, so bad driving concerns me as it affects me more than people in cars, as I'm more at risk. A number of people I know have informed me that 'By God, Plymouth has some awful drivers'. My old man used to be a motorcycle courier up and down the country, and he still swears that other parts of the country have much better drivers than the South West. Other people I know who travel a lot by road have confirmed this. I think the reason is because although elsewhere people drive aggressively, to do this requires a certain level of skill or else there would be hundreds and hundreds of accidents every day on the motorways. Some of the tight lane change maneuvers I've seen, it's amazing there was no crashes. This is simply because they drove in an environment where they had to improve. Plymouth is a lot more relaxed in contrast to many cities in the UK. Life doesn't seem quite as hectic, especially compared to the big cities like Birmingham or London.
   However, this attitude means that many drivers down here simply do not have the skills. If they were 'the skills that paid the bills' these people would be in a lot of trouble. Now don't get me wrong, I ride like my back wheel's on fire and I'm trying to escape it, but I at least know how to indicate, how to look before I move, how to make a decision at a roundabout, not go, "should I go? Shouldn't I go? Should I? Shouldn't I? Nooo..........YES! YES! NOW! Just as you're getting close. I at least know that a yellow lattice box means not to enter unless the exit is clear (i.e no stopping on the yellow box). I know which lane I should be in, I know that the speed limit isn't 15 mph on a 30 (unlike many old people - again with them!). Basically 90% of the car drivers in Plymouth cannot drive. For that I'm willing to sacrifice the other 10%. Sorry. Into Room 101!
   


4. The Media.
   This is very similar to Dave's comments. I don't like Newspapers. The News on the TV isn't as bad, but they're both spreading depressing crap. Nobody is interested in the good things that happen. Personally I think I'm a lot happier not knowing what the hell is going on. All you hear is tales of death and woe and suffering. I don't need that kind of shit thank you. The expressionless faces of the newsreaders, spreading misery to the masses. It's propaganda in it's own right. No story has two sides on the news. It's all 'Our' view of things. China will just black out anything the government doesn't want you to see, so you could be watching a black screen for 5 minutes before it returns. At least you know it's happening, that's what I say. The media whether it wants to or not, delivers a jaded view on what's really happening. In America it's gotten to the stage where it's pretty much just scare tactics, with only the most prestigious of worst events gain licence for viewing. Take the world's fascination with a court case regarding whether or not one man likes little boys, and not just as friends. What is it with that? Is it really worth that much television time? For Fuck's sake, just bring me something, one thing on TV that inspires me. Something that makes me want to be a better person. Wouldn't this be a better use of the media than telling us that one of the Royal Family has died, someone you've never even met, and therefore you will hear about it continuously for years, and they'll bollox up the schedule of the following days TV. Fuck you for making me miss the A-Team, Diana.
   I've kinda gone off topic a little, and I'm making my point badly. However, it all plays out nicely in my mind, so get your telepathy kits out. Yes, tin foil and forks will also work well, but only if you superglue them to your scalp. Go on, try it.
   


5. So Many Options for my final choice
   I'd like to say chavs. But I think I have a better idea. I can kill two birds with one stone. In all honesty, to be a proper chav, you need to be stupid. It's an underlying trait. And stupid people annoy me too. It just really gets on my wick. And I'm fed up with thinking, "Why don't you understand?!?" So, without further delay, I'll put stupidity into Room 101.

This would work itself out nicely I think. I wouldn't have to work, and I could lounge around, and then zip about on nearly empty roads (there wouldn't be many left after all the bad drivers were gone). I wouldn't have to ever wait behind a group of piss-soaked undead at the post office, or anywhere else for that matter. If I chose to take a bus, I wouldn't have to watch in disgust as someone who looks like they past away five years ago takes an age to shuffle onto the bus, and then stare about the bus with those lifeless diluted eyes that never seem to actually look at anything. I could wander about in bliss, as there would be no stupidity and so no chavs, and as everyone would be intelligent, society would take a turn for the better, and I'd get a whole load more gadgets to play with during all my spare time.