Fuck you, Fuck Me, Fuck them, Fuck Us.
This is a rant post. I recommend you don't read this, as I'm gonna spend the next half an hour or so bitching and whining. I wasn't joking when I recommended that you skip this post entirely. I'm not a happy bunny, and in an attempt to get it off my chest, I'm gonna post it here.
I discovered last night that I'm not going on holiday in a couple of weeks, I'm going on Tuesday.
This pleases me, because at the moment, I feel like shit.
At the moment, I really fucking hate my life.
I'm constantly tired and stressed because my flat is so noisy and I'm a very light sleeper. It's very nice, but it's also very expensive, and so I'm paying over the odds for a beautiful flat that I can't sleep in.
I've realised that I really don't like my job, and it's only took me 3 years to notice.. It's typical, cos I'm just starting to get the hang of it. Problem is that the pay is good, and I couldn't get anywhere near the same amount doing something else, and starting a new career just isn't an option, cos I'd have to go back to working for peanuts, and also I've put 3 years of my life into learning this, and like I said, I'm starting to get the hang of it, even if I have had enough of work. Though that said, I would like to work for a company that doesn't keep screwing me over.
My life seems without joy at the moment, and I have to do something about it. What the hell is the point in working hard? You don't get rewarded, it doesn't make you feel any better about life.
I'm learning Japanese, but I don't know any Japanese people, and I could never go to live there because they currently have a rapidly declining economy and rising unemployment. That and the fact that the Japanese are over achievers, I'm lazy, the only thing I'm skilled at (workwise) is computers, and would have to compete with over-achievers for a job which would require me to be able to use Japanese computer systems, which I doubt I will ever be able to do. In Japan, unlike many other countries the language of business is Japanese and not English, so I'd have to be an expert Japanese speaker, an expert reader, and writer, and then I'd have to be top of my field to get one of the rare jobs over there. I won't ever be any of these things.
I go to the gym nearly every day, but I don't know why. I'm becoming despondant, and I really don't know why I bother trying to improve myself, cos it impresses nobody, and doesn't make my life any more enjoyable.
My problem is that I'm expecting something good, and so I am always disappointed when I realise that nothing good is coming. Buying stuff would make me feel better, but recently not only has it not helped, but as I'm in a new expensive flat, I can't afford to buy as much stuff anyway.
My love life is an oxymoron. I don't like people much, and combined with intense shyness when it comes to members of the opposite sex I like, plus standards that are way above me, means that I spend most of my life single, whether I like it or not. The very very few people I meet who I like never return my feelings.
There is something wrong with my appearance, and I can't figure out what. And it isn't my pirate beard because I haven't had it for long. My philosphy regarding my beard is that I don't have any luck whatsoever, and there's obviously something wrong with my appearance, so I might as well look stupid, cos at least I can blame it on that.
All this, and I'm running out of friends. I have very few left, and I don't really get the opportunity to meet new ones.
So, I'm in a bit of a predicament. I can't do this for much longer, but I don't want to jack it all in, because I'd be in exactly the same situation, except I wouldn't have a reasonably decent paying job. I really feel like getting out of this shithole, but I don't have anywhere to go, and I'd still be in the same situation, only I'd have no friends, no job, no home, and if I moved abroad, no motorbike.
I have no idea what it's gonna take to make me happy, and I'm becoming more and more convinced that I never will. I've been in a bad mood for most of this year, and it doesn't look like much is gonna change.
I don't know what the point in anything is at the moment. I'm fed up, but I can't see a solution. I've tried apathy, and it works to some extent, but not well enough.
What the hell am I waiting for? Life to pass me by? I guess so.
I recommended you didn't read this, so if you've got this far, then more fool you.
So on a final note, Fuck off.
Oh, and you know the guy who operates the Rouge River drawbridge Delray in Jefferson? Fuck him!
Still it's not all bad - I have cheesy chips for lunch, and you can't see the chips for the cheese.
I discovered last night that I'm not going on holiday in a couple of weeks, I'm going on Tuesday.
This pleases me, because at the moment, I feel like shit.
At the moment, I really fucking hate my life.
I'm constantly tired and stressed because my flat is so noisy and I'm a very light sleeper. It's very nice, but it's also very expensive, and so I'm paying over the odds for a beautiful flat that I can't sleep in.
I've realised that I really don't like my job, and it's only took me 3 years to notice.. It's typical, cos I'm just starting to get the hang of it. Problem is that the pay is good, and I couldn't get anywhere near the same amount doing something else, and starting a new career just isn't an option, cos I'd have to go back to working for peanuts, and also I've put 3 years of my life into learning this, and like I said, I'm starting to get the hang of it, even if I have had enough of work. Though that said, I would like to work for a company that doesn't keep screwing me over.
My life seems without joy at the moment, and I have to do something about it. What the hell is the point in working hard? You don't get rewarded, it doesn't make you feel any better about life.
I'm learning Japanese, but I don't know any Japanese people, and I could never go to live there because they currently have a rapidly declining economy and rising unemployment. That and the fact that the Japanese are over achievers, I'm lazy, the only thing I'm skilled at (workwise) is computers, and would have to compete with over-achievers for a job which would require me to be able to use Japanese computer systems, which I doubt I will ever be able to do. In Japan, unlike many other countries the language of business is Japanese and not English, so I'd have to be an expert Japanese speaker, an expert reader, and writer, and then I'd have to be top of my field to get one of the rare jobs over there. I won't ever be any of these things.
I go to the gym nearly every day, but I don't know why. I'm becoming despondant, and I really don't know why I bother trying to improve myself, cos it impresses nobody, and doesn't make my life any more enjoyable.
My problem is that I'm expecting something good, and so I am always disappointed when I realise that nothing good is coming. Buying stuff would make me feel better, but recently not only has it not helped, but as I'm in a new expensive flat, I can't afford to buy as much stuff anyway.
My love life is an oxymoron. I don't like people much, and combined with intense shyness when it comes to members of the opposite sex I like, plus standards that are way above me, means that I spend most of my life single, whether I like it or not. The very very few people I meet who I like never return my feelings.
There is something wrong with my appearance, and I can't figure out what. And it isn't my pirate beard because I haven't had it for long. My philosphy regarding my beard is that I don't have any luck whatsoever, and there's obviously something wrong with my appearance, so I might as well look stupid, cos at least I can blame it on that.
All this, and I'm running out of friends. I have very few left, and I don't really get the opportunity to meet new ones.
So, I'm in a bit of a predicament. I can't do this for much longer, but I don't want to jack it all in, because I'd be in exactly the same situation, except I wouldn't have a reasonably decent paying job. I really feel like getting out of this shithole, but I don't have anywhere to go, and I'd still be in the same situation, only I'd have no friends, no job, no home, and if I moved abroad, no motorbike.
I have no idea what it's gonna take to make me happy, and I'm becoming more and more convinced that I never will. I've been in a bad mood for most of this year, and it doesn't look like much is gonna change.
I don't know what the point in anything is at the moment. I'm fed up, but I can't see a solution. I've tried apathy, and it works to some extent, but not well enough.
What the hell am I waiting for? Life to pass me by? I guess so.
I recommended you didn't read this, so if you've got this far, then more fool you.
So on a final note, Fuck off.
Oh, and you know the guy who operates the Rouge River drawbridge Delray in Jefferson? Fuck him!
Still it's not all bad - I have cheesy chips for lunch, and you can't see the chips for the cheese.
Ryaninja flipped out at 12:16 pm
Throw me a Stabby Shuriken - 9 thrown so far!
9 Comments:
Is this because there are no exploding dogs on explodingdog?
Come over this weekend. Saturday or something. I know lanson is shitty but it'll at least be a change of scenery. We'll go out on the piss, maybe make it a night of sampling beers we wouldn't normally drink. Yes, a cultural expansion, if you will. We could dress up smart and act posh the whole night, just for a laugh.
PS. Fuck Lyle Lovett, whoever the fuck that is.
Hmmm... sounds interesting.... I might well take you up on the offer...
It'll probably be Sat afternoon at some point, cos I have some stuff to buy for the holiday.
And I'll bring my mac mini over too, so you can see it and be inspired. And it's tiny.
Yeah, I agree, Fuck Lyle Lovett. :)
Woo!
Fuck Forrest Gump!
wow. Thank God for the chessy chips.
Absolutely. You can't beat hot chips with loads and loads of cheese!
Also on the plus side, I came home watched Naruto, chilled out and watched some comedy shows I'd downloaded. Feel much better now. :)
hey ryan, you been out on your bike recently? lighter evenings and dry roads must be something you will welcome?? if you come over to meet Foss let me know, i might stroll into the heaving urban sprawl of launceston to buy you a drink (irish or not - your choice). I have been really hacked off recently (and at times in the past) but it passes, usually by vertue of some great friends who can remind why its worth getting up in the morning. Work can be many things, a means to an end or an absolute pleasure. If you dont want to be doing it then work towards doing something else. It took me 3 years to grow to hate my old job at the council and then a further 18 months to get myself out. I thought I was stuck too, a house and family to support meant couldnt 'trade down' but it worked out. there is a quote which i can attempt that goes something like: please can i have the wisdom to identify the things that i can change, the courage to change them and the strength to accept the things that i cant. seemed apprpriate when i started, not so sure now. anyways, keep your chin up and when you are glum think about the two nuns in the bath - always makes me chuckle!!!!
Jonathan,
Thanks for your comments! You're right, of course, it does pass. Generally on the whole I'm quite good at ignoring the dissatisfaction with my life, although it has just been one thing after another recently, and it gets kinda hard to shrug off.
I don't really really hate my job, and although after the day I had yesterday, I wanted to pull a sickie today, but I didn't.
When I wake up in the mornings the primary thing that makes me want to go back to bed is being knackered, and not hatred for my job. I'm just feeling a bit lost, and I am sick of office politics and all the shit that goes with it.
I'm also desparing a bit at the moment, cos I'm not really good enough at my job yet to get one elsewhere, but at the same time, my life seems pretty static and I need to change something.
I think I just need a wench to be honest. That'd make me feel better, as I'd have someone to share everything with, but again, it seems to be beyond my control, a feeling I don't like too much.
However, Nuns in the bath do make me laugh, and so did your comments! :D
dont worry dude, we will have lots of fun in spain, and can chat about sad things so we can get them out of our systems.
then when you return you will like a new person,hey we all hate our jobs thats life, sorry to dissapoint you. at least we get paid good money to hate our jobs unlike some people
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